To the Republicans on Family Matters: Why is it only YOUR family that matters?

What about all the other families in the world?

When my cousin Jan was dying of AIDS at St. Vincent's in New York, he told me this from his hospital bed - the last time we saw each other - he said to me, Mama Shark, your Dad has been such a support for me. He talked with me a lot."

"That's good" I said, trying to hide my total shock. Because the Dad I knew hated gays, made jokes, said they had all the rights they needed, gay rights would hurt families. I guess he didn't say those things to Jan. To my Dad, family is family, and you support them no matter what. I'm torn - I don't know whether I should admire the man who overcame his own prejudices to be there for the person who really needed him, or to shake him and say, "You idiot! There are other people just like Jan who could use some compassion too!"

That was over 10 years ago - I know because my own son was just 1 year old at the time, and Jan gave me a Teddy bear to give to him. Which I still have, my son outgrew it, Jan died and now it's mine. So now I think, did Jan know my Dad was hateful in that way, and he was trying to show me a different side of him? Or was Jan totally lying, being catty and sarcastic in a gay sort of way? Or was he just trying to make family conversation? David Hume posited (in that elegant, 18th century way) that when faced with a phenomenon, you have to go with the explanation that is the most likely, so I have to think that Jan,who came to every family reunion until he was too sick to travel, was just making family conversation.

Jan really mattered to me. He really mattered to my Dad. I wouldn't vote for anyone that would pass laws that would harm people like Jan, and here is where my Dad and I part ways.